If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
