Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize