just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
