If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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