She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Never underestimate the power of titties
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize