I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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