Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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