Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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