I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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