If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
