I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
