Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
