Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
