you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
