thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
