after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
