after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
