he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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