i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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