I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
