she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
