just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
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