9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
