He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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