He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize