Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
