i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Green mimosas i think yes
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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