I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
