I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
