Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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