It's like God shit irony all over that family
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
