I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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