The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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