i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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