I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
