Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
