3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
This girl is more easily done than said...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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