I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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