You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
