get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
