Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
