Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
