Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
