I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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