The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
