The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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