hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The air was thick with penises
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
