Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
