I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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