I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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