i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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