4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
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