Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
