what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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