3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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