I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
