ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Help. Why am I so naked?
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