New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize