we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
