your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
