I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
