I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
