i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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