I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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