His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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