Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize