He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
