i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
no. you can't hotbox the world.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Randomize
