Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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