I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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