I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
