ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
