The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
