i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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