I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He felt like a one man threesome
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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