That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
