My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
