question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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