Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
