i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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