I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
