mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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