as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
