My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
