Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
