We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
