Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
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