I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My day in three words: secret purse cake
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
