Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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