I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
