Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
