nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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